Funk-dified
Not to be a Debbie Downer with this post but I’m afraid that the above pic is where I’m at today. It sort of feels like my head and my heart are having a heated argument and neither one is willing to back down. The advice I keep getting from everyone is to start a journal and get my thoughts out of my head and onto a piece of paper. Well I know its strange, but I find it somewhat comforting to put my thoughts here where I know someone is going to read them. This way I don’t have to be embarrassed because I don’t exactly know who. The last four months of my life have whipped me upside down and I really have never felt more lost. Kind of like I’m a teenager all over again and I’m wandering around trying to find out what makes me tick. I keep it together and do the things that I need to maintain my career and friendships but I’m really searching for something more. Something much more than just going through the motions. What that thing is I am not really sure. Well let’s be honest I know exactly what that things is but for now it seems that the Big Man upstairs has a different plan for me. I’m sort of vague-blogging I know but this is making me feel a little better so you’ll just have to bare with me for a minute. I think what’s bugging me today is that I haven’t felt true inspiration in a hot minute. The kind of inspiration that gives you goosebumps and makes you remember what the definition of the word JOY is. I was watching Sex and The City today (my go-to dvd choice for times like these) and Charlotte was talking about how you only get two great lives of your life. Well this idea makes me want to contact the creator of that concept and smack him! I have had two great loves…radio was my first and the other, well we all know how well that turned out. I suppose I could analyze this one for days….. was it real, what now and blah blah blah. The truth is that I’m ready to stop searching and just be still. However this is not within my genetic makeup to do. I am really proud of the things I have accomplished thus far but I realize that I have always been chasing something more. Wanting something more. Sulking over things that I don’t have. One of my old radio friends asked me a soul searching question the other day. “If you could do anything in the world what would you do?” I didn’t have to search long for the answer…. I guess for now the good Lord is forcing me to be still and wait upon him. Thanks for reading 🙂
~ Hugs and Smiles ~ R!LEY COUTURE