So as you can tell by the title a lot has happened since I last hung around here…
This, my very own venting place that once meant so much to me. Now don’t get me wrong, the things I have written here are like a memory book that I can always look back on. Memories that I cherish. But I’ve been busy building a successful radio show, building relationships, solid friendships, building a life…and OH YEA I gave birth!
In six days my little cherub will be 4 months old. My little Lyric Matthew was born on October 19th 2015 weighing 7 lbs. 15 oz at 2:00 pm on the dot. In case you are wondering why it took me four months to write about the very most important thing I will ever do in life I’ll tell it to you straight. The reason can be described in one four letter word.
FEAR….
Before I explain what I mean let me back up. Around this time last year I was in a BRAND SPANKING NEW relationship with someone I barely knew. Someone who was going to be the father of my child. Now before you ask or before you judge I have three things to say to you.
1.) The father has until now remained nameless in terms of my public career and will continue to stay that way unless anyone does some digging. If you do….whateves. But respect in this matter would be appreciated.
2.) Walk ten miles in my shoes before you judge.
3.) I had a fun time being pregnant and emotional while dealing with the backlash of cruel internet trolls saying some of the harshest things I’ve ever heard in my life…so if you have something on the negative side to say do your worst. My skin is thicker than ever now.
Moving on…
As I said, around this time last year I found myself in a relationship that evolved way faster than I meant it to. He did nothing wrong. I just found out too late that he wasn’t the one for me. That happens in dating. You meet, you like, you figure it out. We were just irresponsible. This was something that ate at me for the first few months that I was pregnant. Do I stay just so that my baby can have a conventional united family? Even though I have always had a love affair with the white picket fence dream I just couldn’t wrap my head around staying with someone for the sake of the baby. Simply because I knew what was ahead. Misery for all people involved. For me, for baby, and for baby daddy. So at around three months pregnant I left baby daddy. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. But in my mind the smartest. Today my son has a very peaceful life. A peace that I never experienced as a child. And I feel it is because I was strong enough to believe that I could be an amazing single mom while still still making baby daddy a part of my baby’s life.
Fast forward to nine months later I was inducing labor so that my mom could be at my side. My birth story is a whole other mess that I will get into at another post….but I will share THIS with a lot of FEAR…
There’s that word again.
After pushing only about ten times my little boy entered this world. And be it the labor drugs, or my unconventional situation, or FEAR…
I felt nothing. Ok that’s not fair. I did feel some things. I felt tired. I felt unworthy of this incredible life that I made.The ONE THING I had always wanted in life was to be a mother and it was here…and I was numb. I felt a sense of self loathing that I didn’t get that euphoric life changing moment that they tell you makes pregnancy all worth it. My mother was crying at the sight of him and I felt numb. They handed him to me and I did immediately know that I would lay down my life for him, but I wasn’t overjoyed. I was afraid… FEAR…
There’s that word again.
The next few days in the hospital were a blur of nurses and paper work and exhaustion. Guilt and tears and uncertainty mixed with love and FEAR.
There’s that word again.
On the third day I was set to go home with my little cherub. Oddly enough I wasn’t afraid I wasn’t going to be able to care for him like most people. I knew I would be able to keep him alive. I was just afraid I wasn’t going to be able to love him. I know, what mother could ever say that about her newborn baby right?? Trust me, it kills me everyday when I look at his sweet little face. I have a big point to make thought so bare with me.
Little Lyric never decided he wanted to latch on to mommy’s boob and me being the determined/stubborn person that I am I decided to exclusivity pump. Otherwise known as hell! However glad I am that my son got those amazing nutrients, I may or may not have thought twice about doing this. Seriously on the fence about this one. I loved providing for my son what only I could do. I loved giving him pure goodness that my body was designed for….but on the flip side that fucking pump sucked!!!!!!! Exclusive pumper moms ya feel me? More than it being inconvenient to be chained to an utter sucker every two hours I felt so guilty that I wasn’t spending time cuddling with my baby because I had to pump. Those late night hours that I could have been snuggling him after he ate…nope. I was having my breasts extracted. This was my was a big regret among many in the decision of being a single mom. If I had baby daddy around I would have had someone to take him during the day and play with him while I was pumping. Someone that if it wasn’t me should be there cuddling him. There would have been a lot less painful clogged duct moments that’s for sure. Post partum set in with the quickness…I felt hopeless. I felt like a failure. I cried. A LOT! I felt like the life I knew was over and I would never be the same. I felt like a terrible mother…I felt FEAR.
There’s that word again…
So before this blog turns into a self pitying situation I want you single, married, whatever new moms out there to know something. Its ok to feel the roller coaster that is being a new mommy in whatever shape or form it hits you. I decided for my post partum to muscle through it without medication because I had my fair share of rounds with meds and I personally didn’t want to go that route. I don’t fair well with most of it. But talk to your doctor. Explore your options and decide what is best for you! YOU AND ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR THAT LITTLE LIFE YOU BIRTHED!
And I’m REALLY overjoyed to report that today…. I still have FEAR.
There’s that word again.
But although I’m still everyday afraid that I’m not going to be good enough for my sweet SWEET little Lyric Matthew … I know everything will be ok. I LOVE AND ADORE MY LITTLE CHERUB!! His big eyes, his chunky legs, his big ole head, his high pitched giggle, when he furrows his brow and gives the world’s greatest stank face! Today as tired as I am when hes screaming in the wee hours of the night…the feeling of me soothing him with one touch gets me though it. And to keep it real here sometimes its like really kid? All you wanted was that? Then I’m instantly flashing forward to when he’s a teenager and wants nothing to do with mommy and I retract my previous statement. What i’m trying to say here about my first four months of motherhood is it aint all shits and giggles…but its worth it! Time to get some much needed sleep!
Hopefully I wont stay way so long next time peeps!! #singlemomlife
Usually when I write abut anything juicy I’m talking about Juicy Couture but this particular time I’m writing about actual juice. I must apologize for the crappy instagram pic but I forgot to take a picture of my latest juicing venture before I devoured them. After posting that instagram pic I had a lot of ladies inquiring as to the pro’s and cons of my juicing adventure so I figured I would share. So here’s where it all started….
I’m going to Jamaica for Thanksgiving in less than a week and I am so excited! It’s the first time I’m going out of the country without family (yes at 33) so I want to make the most out of this trip. I.E. I want to eat, drink, be merry and look good in a bikini. What girl doesn’t right?
Now before this post turns into a body shaming thing it’s really not about that. I’m 5’3″ and 115 bls. Well actually I was 120 prior to the cleanse. And let me say this before I continue, there is NOTHING wrong with that! I just wanted to kick start a road back to a healthier me. If you follow this blog at all you know that 8 months ago I made the big move to Atlanta and started my new job at Power 96.1. I love my new job and adore my new city but my fitness routine has suffered immensely from this lifestyle change. My schedule is busier, I don’t have a gym membership yet, my running has been spotty at best and there’s the damn bagel Friday at work. Add to it that I’m a girl who loves craft beer, wine, cheese and brunches…. Stick a fork in me and my healthy ways are all but done.
So about a month ago I started going to hot yoga again. I’ve pretty disciplined with it going a few times a week which has been awesome, but it hasn’t been enough to make me feel healthy and strong. Plus my noshing habits have still been off. I mean I eat well at home but sometimes my schedule doesn’t allow that. I bring my own snacks to work but all too often there are clients bringing in subs, or cupcakes or ice cream for us to sample and talk about on air. I mean that’s fine once in a blue moon but when its on a regular basis it can be an issue for the chick that’s chillin’ with her gluten free sweet potatoes chips. You see that’s the thing, I never used to crave the crap as long as I had my own wholesome munchies on hand. Hence why I decided to do a juice cleanse. I wanted to restart my body. While doing some research on cleanses I read this one article that said “If you give your car and oil change when needed why don’t you do this for your body.” After reading that all systems were a go and I was ready for the go-go juice!
I chose to do a three day cleanse and there just so happened to be a place fdown the street from my apratment that provides cold pressed juices. It’s recommended that you do a 5-7 day juice cleanse but for me Rome wasn’t built in a day so I decided to start small. If you live in the Atlanta area you have to check out Kale Me Crazy. They’re juices were actually pretty tasty and you can order daily so if you decide you want to extend your cleanse another day you easily can.
Now on to the nitty gritty of the three days. I know your about to give me the “Pfffffffttttttt GURL BYE” when you read what I’m about to say….but it was honestly really easy. To me it was all about discipline. I hand to kind mind f*ck myself in a way. And by that I mean breaking the relationship I had with the act of chewing. If I was honest with myself I wasn’t actually hungry throughout the three days. i only craved food when I would smell it. You aren’t starving because your getting all of the daily nutrients you need. You drink a juice every two hours so it was similar to the eating schedule I already had. I just wasn’t chomping.
The only thing that I found a little bit of a struggle is the AFTER. The end of my cleanse came at the weekend. You know, the time you go to dinner with friends and go to brunch on Sunday. Even though your done juicing you can’t just jump back into gulping mimosas and bindging on eggs benedict. Well I mean you could but then your hard work would be for nothing and you would soon develop and intimate relationship with Mr. Potty. I read a few more articles on juicing and found that there are some strong emotional correlations that come along with juicing. Much like fasting in the bible. I honestly found this to be true for myself because even though I was breaking from all that I had known I felt centered, clear and productive when I wasn’t focusing on where my next meal topped off with a glass of Pinot Grigio was going to be. I had some good old self time that was as much needed as the kick start to my metabolism.
All in all I am super happy with my juicing journey. Dare I say that I may go back for the 5 day cleanse next time. Jamaica here I come!!!
I was talking about the booties that go on your feet. I’m good on being mooned at the moment. Seems like every time I write a blog here I want to start by apologizing for staying away so long. Why don’t we just make that a standing apology since I’m guessing it will happen again. Pinky promise to try and be better.
Now on to my latest fashion craving… Ankle Booties! Seriously cannot stop buying them. Every time I come across a pair that catches my eye I think to myself “Just how many pairs of ankle booties does one really need?” As you can tell from the pic above my logic never wins over my shoe love.
I had actually never heard of the brand Blowfish so I wasn’t sure if $27.99 was a steal but at that point I had already fallen in love with them so they were coming home with me. Turns out they retail for around $69.00 so it was a win all around. I’m almost ashamed to say that my bootie fetish (geez that sounds weird) didn’t stop there.
Those Carlos Santana beauties jumped up and bite me when I wasn’t looking. Actually I have gotten so much use out of them that they were worth every penny of the $27.99 that I spent. Literally wear them with everything!
Ok….Ok. I know that summer is almost over and it way past Forth Of July but how cute are those YMI shorts? I love going into Ross at the change of the season and perusing the clearance rack for goodies. I mean for $6.99 why not??
At first I though they were a little hoochie but I figure If I slummed them up with a hoodie I could still maintain a a certain amount of taste. A tad bit of hooch is ok from time to time but only if done in the right way.
Those black Carlos Santana ankle booties are so cute I can”t even stand it. They have everything the perfect summer-to-fall shoe needs. Comfortable, light weight, sexy, and they go with everything. Pretty much a win for $27.00 bucks.
The hoodie, tank and accessorizes are all stuff I pulled out of my stash. As much as I love shopping for new stuff its sort of like Christmas when you actually shift through what you already have. Until next time!
Sorry its been such a long time since I’ve posted anything. I really hate always apologizing for being MIA but a girl get busy sometimes. Life has been crazy but in a good way! Building my new radio show, getting acclimated here in Atlanta, and even finding a little time for a love life. Don’t get too excited….prince charming hasn’t shown up with my glass slipper just yet!
So I’ve been wanting to delve into the wonderful world of makeup contouring for quite some time now but its super intimidating to me. For years I didn’t even wear foundation because anytime I did it was either the wrong shade or it wasn’t blended properly. There are far to many pictures of me with that dreaded two tone neck to face effect. Ick, I cringe just thinking about it. Well now that I have mastered the art of foundation I think I’m ready to graduate to the big leagues and get that Kim K contoured glow! Say what you will about that Kardashians but they’re skin always looks flawless. I did a little research on different techniques and products and there is so much infor on Pinterest that it made my brain hurt.
Brushes or sponges…
Cream or powder kits…
Foundation or bare skin first….
Ayiyi its a science people!
I decided to go with a generic cream contouring palette. There are some really nice looking ones at Sephora but I figured I would try it out before I go spending big bucks and still have the lingering potential of looking like a clown. I found that one on Amazon for $3.95! Can’t go wrong there right?
My old brushes were looking a little shabby so I figured what better time than the present to buy some new ones. My last set were Chanel and they’re great, but last month I ordered a Booby Brown cream shadow brush that I fell in love with so I went that route this time. At only $21.50 on eBay I was like yessss please!
I went ahead and bought some beauty blender sponges too. I’ve never used them before but all the makeup bloggers swear by them not just for contouring but for BB cream and foundation as well. If the experts say they are a go and they only cost me $10.99 for a four pack of four on Amazon…Im game!
I’m going to practice my contouring skills this week. I promise to post pictures when I’ve mastered my best Kim Kardashian glow. Cross your fingers for me!
Once I purchased my fancy schmancy camera I vowed that I would stop using crappy phone/Instagram shots for my blog, but for this post the picture is relevant. Plus I’m not about to stand in front of the mirror with my professional camera trying to capture a decent angle of my rack.
One thing before I get into the nitty-gritty of this post. If your one of the four males that reads my stuff I’ll be kind and give you a disclaimer here….
I’m going to talk about my PERIOD. Yes that thing that requires tampons! Gasp!
I can just hear the scampering clicks of men desperately trying to get away from this site right now. Why are men so afraid of period talk? I mean it happens to us every month. If your into girls and you ever want a relationship you guys are bound to have a run in with it at least once in your life. It seems like any mention of red tide comes out and all the dudes in the room get all 4th grade and take themselves to their happy place. Grow up ya pussies!
Whoops. Haha. Hey I warned you it was that time of the month. On to my point.
My.Boobs.Are.Killing.Me.
I took that pic the other day after a sweaty gym session and one of my friends commented that my boobs look like soccer balls. You can tell he’s been avidly watching the World Cup. I have always had big ladies so I usually don’t pay any attention to such comments but at second glace they do really look like soccer balls. You would think I had a recent trip to the plastic surgeon or soemthing. This is all due to my period. The last few months it has just been horrendous!!!!! Not that any period is a trip to Disneyland but honestly I’m concerned.
My cramps have been more painful.
My stomach is damn near distended when it bloats.
I’m so exhausted you would think I’m narcoleptic.
Flow is HEA-VY.
My boobs are super sore and HUUUUUUGE!!!
I know what your thinking ladies. That I should quit my whining and get some Midol. Honestly I’m no stranger to tough monthlys being that I became a woman at 12 and they have always been harsh. But is this Endometriosis or something? I know, I know. Go to the doctor.
Michael Kors is officially my new boyfriend. I have been having quite the summer fling with him for the last few months. This little love affair that I have going on it actually approaching fatal attraction status rather quickly because I can’t seem to get enough. That beauty you see above is Michael and I’s latest love child. We decided to name her Selma Saffiano Leather Stud Large Zip Clutch…. I know it’s a mouthful but it was just so fitting for her.
Ok let me quit sounding like some strange purse fetish junkie that just got her fix.
But seriously though, how delicious is that clutch??
Found her on Ebay for $76 bucks!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaassss girl yaaaaaaaaaas!!!!!!
So I could make myself look like less of an MK junkie by not sharing my other love children but far be it for me to leave out any memebers of the family. There I go again, sounding like a wack-a-do. Haha oh well.
As you can tell from the scratches I have been obsessed with that MK Logo Plate Ring. It seriously goes with everything! That was another Ebay find that was a steal at $31 bucks!!!! And if I’m keeping it real, my MK affair doesn’t stop there.
I think Michael and I are getting really serious…
The gold one was a random Ross find that was kind of hitting the jackpot. Ross doesn’t usually carry a lot of MK stuff so when I spotted that guy in the case I was like “Anything under $150 and its mine.” When the clerk took it out of the case and told me it was on clearance for $114…..you best believe I snatched that shit up so fast I think she though I was gonna steal it! The best part was when I took it to the MK store to get sized and all the girls at the counter were drooling over it and saying how it was so rare. My inner cheap diva was giggling her malicious mwuahahahahahahah laugh at what a steal it was.
The silver one was yet another ebay find at $138 with the original price being $275. Damnit I’m good!!!!
I honestly wish I could say that MK and I are going to cool our heels for a bid but I have my eye on a Brilliance Pave Lock Charm Bangle…after that Ill behave. Maybe.
I’m not quite sure what’s happened to me lately but I have almost given up my signature stilettos for sneakers. Almost people.
ALMOST!
When I fist came to Atlanta I discovered this cute urban style boutique called “Wish” in the hipster area of town. Ive never been too much of a sneaker gal but when in Rome right? If you ever come to Atlanta you have to mosey on by Little 5 Points. It’s the perfect little nook of vintage meet trendy shopping. My new found sneaker obsession started there when I found a pair of grey suede high top Nikes for $80 bucks. It seems like every time I go anywhere near Little Five I suddenly hear shoe voices coming from the shoe dungeon inside wish. Ok, hearing shoe voices is a little nuts of me to say but I’m serious about the shoe dungeon. “Wish” has this lower floor that is filled with nothing but amazing hard to find sneakers.
That damn room holds me hostage every time I enter it. My ransom is payed and I am free once I buy a pair of shoes.
Those beauties you see above are my latest fix.
Funny thing is that the last time I went there I begged my friend to be my moral support and not let me buy anything. But Nike textile print high tops in my size for $39 marked down from $210???? I think he knew better than to let me walk out of there without them because I would have cursed him later 🙂
How cool is it that the print on these shoes is Liberty Fabrics Design!! Ok, I’m not gonna pretend that I’m that savvy in fashion history….. But apparently Liberty Fabrics is an Avant Garde textile design that was created back in the 1890’s. So freaking dope right?????
Once my bank account recovers from all the shopping…ER….RESEARCH. Yea research I’ve been doing I’ll be going back for more!
A few weeks ago I decided to get all spicey with my hair color and dyed it FIRE RED. It was actually an accident. You see I have done red before but not THIS red. The first time my hairstylist dyed it the color came through but not as bright as I wanted. So the next week I went back for another round. I must admit that at first glance of my new hair hue I wanted to cry! The only thought that came to mind was BOZO the clown. I had officially turned myself into bozo the clown!!!
But after a few weeks of getting used to it I decided that I dig being a little fire cracker. Plus everyone kept telling me it was fierce so I don’t know what I was so worried about. I’m actually going back next week to dye it again.
Side note…
BE YOU. You wanna dye your hair blue/green/neon purple….Do it!!
You want to get a huge tattoo of a ladybug? Do it!!!
You wanna run through the streets naked….well um?
Any hoozle-bees. I have a point. My hair was my inspiration to find something unique in red…I LOVE THIS RING!!!!!!!!
Its a 4 carat simulated Ruby with white topaz accents set in sterling silver. I got that beauty on eBay for…
wait for it….
$4.00!!!!
Check the Ringlovers shop if you want to score a few cheap gems of your own!
So did I really NEED not one new pair of shoes but two?
Technically the answer is yes!
It’s sort of been a hell of a week. I’ve been really busy with the new job and its seems as though sleep and me time have been at a minimum. Adding to that, Diablo the Cold Monster visited me this week so a little retail therapy was most certainly due. To even say that is sort of a double edge sword for me because I’m living the dream. The dream I’ve worked ten years for. But in the business of life sometimes you find things missing. Not gonna get into that right now. I’ll just say that sometimes I fill the void with shoes. Lord I sound so shallow and dramatic right now. Lack of sleep and just getting over a brutal cold can do that to a girl.
Back to the new babies…Er I mean shoes.
I found those nude Guess sandal pumps at Ross today for $25 bucks!!
I must say I have been a little disappointed in the shoe selection at Ross here in Atlanta. I guess there are so many other places to find shoes in the city that Ross doesn’t stock up. So when you find a good steal you have to jump… Or at least that’s how I rationalized it knowing full well that I already had another pair of shoes coming in the mail.
I am a little bit more obsessed with these Mint Cupid Pumps than I should admit. I was bidding on these suckers on Ebay for three straight weeks! I lost the auction three times before I finally got them for $22 bucks! Never underestimate a girl on a shoe mission! Cannot wait to wear them!
