Mother’s Day Letter 2018

Here is is baby. Round three of these Mother’s Day letters that I promised to write every year since you were bouncing around in my belly. If I’m honest with you my little love I almost forgot about it this year with everything going on. And then if I’m really honest, when I remembered I was dreading it…

You see sweetie I was s badly for these letters to be an inspiration to you. Something that when I’m dead and gone you’ll cherish for always. Well look at that, I’ve turned into your Grandma Ali. She always used to say that to me about this and that and it would drive me nuts. As people we never want to believe that our mommies aren’t going to be there someday. And don’t worry baby I’m gonna last you a hundred million years. But that’s a whole different topic for a different day. Back to my point about inspiration. When I came up with the idea for these letters I wanted them to be a reflection of the triumphant year that we had braved through together. Smiles and skittles and rainbows. And don’t get me wrong baby, there has been all that. Your crazy little smile gets me through shit that I really don’t know that anyone, even your tough ass mama, could get through without seeing it. And your belly giggle is everything. When I tickle you until you get cranky because you can’t stand it anymore and tell me “Mommy stchtaaaaaaaapppp“. Perfection.

Its little little things boo-bee. Always remember that.

I wish I could bottle your sunshine and drink it into my soul during the times where I feel like I’m crumbling. Which unfortunately has been more often than anyone with such an amazing human as you in her life should have. But my love mommy is just that.

Human.

My sweet sweet boy I truly hope someday you can understand someday why mommy is always tired. Why she gets frustrated more often than most mommies. Why you sometimes have dinners of mac n cheese and strawberries. Why mommy is always working, staring at her phone or pecking away at the computer. I promise with everything that I am that it’s not because there is something or someone more important than you. Someday when your old enough to understand I pray you scoff at that idea because you’ll know with ever fiber in your being that you are mommy’s EVERYTHING. And I would give it all up for you if you asked me to.

But there’s one thought from today that keeps spinning in my head. It was Mother’s Day and Mommy was supposed to be happy, but she was sad. And none of that was your fault. Even though its me and you against the world Mommy can get lonely at times. And baby (insert painful gulp here)…

I’m so sorry I let you see me cry.

People say that boys alway love and look after their mothers. Looks like that story is already true for you. At first sight of the waterworks rolling down my cheek you came over and caressed my back in the sweetest, warmest way possible and wiped away my tears. Thank you sweet boy. But Mommy promises try and not do that again.

It really pains me even to write this down because I want to shield you from any kind of memories that aren’t cheerful ones. Call it me trying to lessen my mom guilt but I’m thinking there could be a powerful lesson for you in the future here. Hopefully one that teaches you to always be strong. To always preserver through hope and love and that fight I’ve seen in you since day one. You are so much like your mom its hurts.

I hope reading this someday you’ll feel the inspiration I’m trying to give and know that not matter what, its in your blood to never give up. A really good friend of mine used to say to me when I was scared or insecure “YOUR RILEY MOTHER FUCKING COUTURE”.  And like clockwork I would snap out of it and go do that damn thing. I still scream that to myself in my head when Im doubtful. I may even say it you you someday on the sidelines of some game or ahead of some competition. But hopefully I’ll use less choice words. Ya never know with your mother.

So here is the point in my letter where I usually get off my Wah-Wah Wagon and tell you my hopes and dreams and the things I love about your sassy little self.

Well let’s see….

I love when you get frustrated with my and say “uuuuuugh fine”

I love when its time for bed and you say “Mommy two minutes”

I love that you think farts and burps are funny already. Such a boy.

I love that your’e obssesed with “ahh-ca-dos”

I love that you love to dance but only when no one’s watching.

I love that you do nothing on command. That is unless mommy bribes you with fruit snacks.

I love that your always going around saying “Mommy fix it” and then you turn around and try and do it yourself. My little problem solver.

I love that you hate having your hands dirty and want mommy to put everything back. My little neat freak. (sure as hell didn’t get that from me).

I love your incredible curly crazy hair. Even if you hate mommy during bath time.

I love that not one airplane, truck, car or bus, goes by without you pointing it out.

I love that your friendly but people gotta work for your effection.

Your eyes are do die for. Your little bum is the cutest I’ve ever seen. I still wanna naw on your fingers and toes even though you hate it. Your voice…sweet and soft as a lullaby.

But the thing I’m most crazy about my angel is your spirit. Fierce and fancy free all at the same time. Determined and gentle. Smart and oh so silly. My world revolves around you angel. The sun rises and sets with you. Every single breath I take is for you.

As always  baby mommy loves you to the moon and back again. My arms are forever and always yours. And just one more thing my little love bug, always remember that together #WEGOTTHIS.

I love you forever plus and eternity.

~ Mommy